


Gravity

by Korderoo



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-22
Updated: 2013-12-22
Packaged: 2018-01-05 11:33:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1093415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Korderoo/pseuds/Korderoo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a one-shot for Sapphire Smoke, the 200th reviewer for All the Single Ladies, who gave me the prompt "After Cora's defeated, Regina holds a funeral for her and Emma's the only one who comes". </p>
<p>Warning: References to abuse, rape, and character death. Pre-Swan Queen</p>
            </blockquote>





	Gravity

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: This is a one-shot for Sapphire Smoke, who gave me the prompt “After Cora's defeated, Regina holds a funeral for her and Emma's the only one who comes”. I have to say I went a bit far afield with this one, but the relationship between Cora and Regina is one of the most interesting to me.
> 
> This story is very Regina-centric and focuses on her development through the lens of the stages of grieving.
> 
> I wrote this listening to Gravity by Sara Bareilles, which gives me MAJOR Regina and Cora feels. I highly recommend it.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own OUaT, it's settings, or characters. I write for fun, not for profit. :)
> 
> Warning: References to abuse, rape, and character death.

_“A black hole is a region of space time from which gravity prevents anything, including light, from escaping” – Wikipedia_

_“I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your rain.” – Gravity: Sara Bareilles_

**Denial**

For months since the death of her love and her wedding to Leopold, Regina had sought to find a solution.  In a world full of magic, where true love’s kiss can break any curse, there had to be a way to bring him back.  She had stayed in the stable with his limp form until long after dark, kissing him until her lips were raw; praying that her love could be true enough to save him.  She had wished on every star.  She had read every book she could find that alluded to magical and non-magical solutions, but everything she found about reuniting with a passed loved one indicated a meeting in some sort-of afterlife, and that was insufficient.

Regina was going to marry Daniel.  She would find a way.  She must find a way.  They would run away together.  She would forgo every feast, every gown, and every jewel in the kingdom to choose a simple life with her love.  She had to find the way to bring him back.  She was certain it existed.  She had begun to learn magic from Rumplestiltskin, a man who she feared but she felt sure that if anyone could harness the strength of magic it would take to bring back her Daniel, he was the man.

This afternoon, however, what he had asked her to do, it was…beyond the pale.  She did not feel she could take the life of an innocent creature.  She knew without conscious consideration that once she crossed that line, there would be a part of her she would never regain.  She did not wish to become like her mother. 

Her mother.

All her life, Regina had sought nothing more than her mother’s approval and love.  She refrained from playing with other children in favor of spending hours learning history and etiquette.  She held back tears when her mother punished her harshly.  She knew that her mother would see tears as an indication of her weakness.  She knew that she deserved the punishment.  Her mother loved her, she told her constantly.  She had sacrificed much to give Regina the life she deserved, and Regina was too rotten inside to simply appreciate her mother. 

Her mother may not approve of Daniel, but she certainly approved of magic.  Perhaps if Regina could gain power through learning from Rumplestiltskin; if she could master magic and obtain so much power that she could alter life and death, her mother would finally see Regina as powerful in her own right.  If she had her own power, perhaps her mother would understand why she did not wish to be married to the king.  She could bring her back from Wonderland and they could be a family at last.

Hearing from Rumplestiltskin’s own voice that it was not possible for magic to bring back the dead, Regina had momentarily faltered.  She felt the icy despair she had experienced when her mother first plunged her hand into Daniel’s chest revisit her before she resolutely pushed it down.  Certainly this man had taught her, if nothing else, that for some price, magic could do nearly anything.  He must have believed her incapable of payment, but to return her love, there was nothing Regina would not sacrifice.

When the opportunity presented itself in the form of Jefferson and his foreign friend to fulfill her most desperate desire and bring her love back, Regina’s heart flew.  She had known since the moment she had watched her mother take his heart that there would be a way.  She delved into darkness by entering her mother’s vault.  Allowing the dark magic she had rejected to envelop her once more as she walked among the hearts of those her mother controlled, she offered the men what they wanted.  Anything, if it brought Daniel back.

She imagined seeing his eyes open, grey eyes meeting her own in realization that her love had brought him back.  They would embrace as she had been dreaming of.  He would wrap his arms around her and in his warmth - his strength; they would find their happy ending.  Her breathing became heavy as her anxiety grew.  She could hardly restrain herself from running into the tent.  She could not stand the inactivity of waiting.  She hated feeling that she had very little role to play here.

As Frankenstein emerged from the tent, her face lit up knowing this was the moment she would be reunited with her love.  In an instant, the lifetime ahead of them flew before her eyes.  Marrying Daniel by the sea, a crown of daisies upon her head.  The cottage they would share beside a brook.  Their children playing in the yard as Daniel tended to the animals before dinner.  Sharing laughter and warmth over their dinner table.  All would be hers the moment she walked into the tent and reawakened her True Love.

She knew without a word.  His face was sympathetic as he pursed his lips and shook his head.  Her heart plummeted.  She was certain it had turned to stone.  She walked into the tent and saw him lying there and could think of nothing more to do than lay her head upon his chest.  This was where she’d meant to rest her head each night until the end of her life.  And so she would.  For this life was ending. 

In that moment she realized the girl she had been had died with him.  The girl who had stolen kisses with this boy behind the stable; who had sheltered from the rain with him one afternoon in the straw, discussing their dreams, their future when he had told her that she was his dream and future; that he loved her.  She had left the girl behind without even realizing it, but now she felt the girl had been gone so long she could no longer recognize any trace of her.

If she could not have Daniel, if she was past hope, it was time to let go of that girl and leave her behind.  Her mother had been right after all.  Love is weakness.  It is the only thing that magic cannot oppose.  There is no controlling whether people you love will stay with you and she would no longer have things in her life that she did not control.  If love is weakness, than magic is power. 

Without a backward glance, she walked away from the clearing leaving Jefferson and Frankenstein behind.  She lifted her chin and then her eyes until they faced forward, dry and determined.  If she could not have love, then she would have vengeance.

**Anger**

Each day as she watched the perfect life of Snow White, her anger grew exponentially.  The ingrate responsible for the death of her love; the child who constantly extolled her father’s many virtues to the girl, only a few years older, who he forced himself on every night.  Each day that passed in that castle, even the fucking birds come to sing about the joy of living together in harmony.  It was nauseating.  And the bitterness that those around her never even noticed her drowning in despair that had evolved into an all-consuming wrath was maddening. 

It was testament to how little attention she was paid as she completely altered her wardrobe, mannerisms, and attitude abruptly without the slightest notice.  Regina was replaced by the Evil Queen.  She grew cold and detached.  She smiled prettily when it was expected and fulfilled her duties.  And when she was alone she devoted her time and attention to learning magic.  It was not unusual for her to forgo meals when she was intent upon learning new and more powerful ways to exert her magical abilities – both with Rumplestiltskin and alone.  She practiced hours into the night until she would collapse into bed, completely drained of energy.

Her rage burned so white hot at every moment that she became dangerously powerful in practicing magic.  As she presented the perfectly controlled exterior befitting a queen, her silent rage fueled her prodigious talent.  She quickly surpassed what Rumplestiltskin was able – or willing – to teach her, and instead he began to approach her as an associate at times when he needed something from her, carefully presenting her challenges when she needed them, even if they were directed toward him.

Regina no longer allowed herself to feel for anyone.  There had only ever been three people she loved.  Daniel had been taken away from her thanks to Snow White.  Her father had allowed her to be abused as a child and sold her adult years to a man who cared nothing for her.  He remained by her side, but she refused to allow herself to rely on him.  He would betray her in a moment if her mother interfered. 

And her mother.

Regina’s only conflict with eliminating emotional attachment was her mother.  Regina couldn’t help but feel that she had let her mother down.  All the things she had taught her had been for her to be her best.  If only she had not taken Daniel.  It was the only thing she could not forgive her mother.  And still the voice her mother had instilled in her spoke to her that her mother’s intentions had been to protect her; surely she still loves her and wants what’s best.

She laughed at the bitter irony that her childhood had been spent in fear that she would end up in some small part like her mother.  It only showed how foolish and juvenile she had been.  She understood now that in order to change her life she would need to obtain power in any way possible.  She would not spend the rest of her life in this prison full of reminders of everything she had lost to come to this point.  She would no longer be ignored or relegated to sit in the corner while everyone else celebrates their own good fortune.  She would ensure that her own happy ending included a victory for herself, and to hell with the happy endings of the peasants around her. 

Who among them had ever, for one moment, considered her feelings or her pain.  She was beginning to get a reputation; it was whispered that she was delving into deeper and darker magic than the king could overlook.  When it was reported to him, he instituted new discipline in his household.  No magic.  She was locked in her chambers with meals pushed through the door three times a day.  She raged for a day, tearing apart her room in her fury.  After that, she seethed, allowing the wrath to fill her up like a tea kettle, certain the time was coming soon for her to vent her steam and scald whoever stood in the way.  After a week, the king allowed her to come out of her room to join him for meals, immediately returning to her room afterward.

After an additional three weeks, her husband welcomed to court a foreign man, a genie of the lamp.  She was allowed to meet him and she saw her opportunity.  He was quickly enamored with her and sought her company in private.  She planted the seeds of the idea that she was desperately unhappy in her marriage and looking to escape.  When she presented him the box containing the serpents, she felt a tiny bit of the pressure inside her relent as she knew that this would mean an end to her suffering beneath Leopold, in every sense of the word. 

The satisfaction that accompanied her freedom after the death of the king was brief before it was tempered by a return to wrath as she watched a tearful Snow being embraced by the nation.  After all she had suffered, still nobody thought of her – they were entirely consumed with ensuring that Snow’s happy ending was not tampered with. 

She realized that she would not be able to achieve true happiness unless she had vengeance for Daniel as well as freedom from the king.  Snow White had destroyed her happiness and returned home to have her every happiness provided, protected, and cherished.  Regina was determined to destroy that happiness if it were the last thing she did.

**Bargaining**

Regina had sought through intrigue and outright warfare, through cutting remarks and carefully planned terrorism to bring down the indefatigable spirit of Snow White.  She had been bested at every turn.  When finally she had reached the very bottom of her rage, sitting in a cell with a single candle the night before her execution, Regina realized that she had disappointed her mother yet again.  To have been defeated by her enemy, regardless of how or why, showed that she had not tried hard enough to achieve her goals. 

Even worse, her mother would likely say that this was yet more evidence that Regina was weak in the face of love.  She would say that the years Regina spent acting as Snow’s mother had weakened her resolve to carry through with her own path to power.  For who could say she had achieved her aims when now Snow White and Prince Charming were getting married. 

She had been banished to a life of solitude.  Snow White considered herself merciful in granting Regina banishment.  Regina would have rather died.  She recognized her circumstances for what they were immediately.  Just like being the daughter of a mother who “sheltered” her for her own good; just like being fortunate enough to be the queen and enjoy the many “benefits” of sharing the king’s bed; she was not forgiven - she was imprisoned.

She had no hope of future happiness anymore.  Even worse, she had no doubt that with King George having fled to the outlying country and her banished, all the idiots in Snow White’s kingdom were guaranteed their happy, sing-song ending.  It was time for desperate measures.  She was going to do whatever it took to find a way out.

When Rumplestiltskin provided the nudge she needed toward enacting the dark curse he had tempted her with long ago, she felt her lips curl for the first time in months into a wicked smile.  She had discovered the path to achieve her vengeance.  And the true beauty of this plan is that it would also provide her a clean slate.  She could paint the idiots the way she saw them and grant herself a new kingdom to claim as her domain.  She could secure their fealty by removing their ability to elect whether or not to accept her rule.  Without their memories, she would be whatever she told them she was.  She would be visible and respected rather than merely feared.

Maleficent’s reluctance to return her curse was hardly an obstacle.  She was far more magically powerful and had the power of her determination behind her.  No more importance was associated with her words, warning Regina against the emptiness she would suffer were she to carry out her plan.  There was no need to worry about that.  Regina had been empty since she’d watched the boy she loved die in her arms.  Her soul had been surrendered years before.  All she had now was her power. 

Everything she had achieved since Daniel’s death had been in the pursuit of power.  And now she was standing on the verge of sacrificing that power, stripping away her own magic in order to gain the power that would come from denying Snow her happy ending. 

When her father asked her to set aside her plan to pursue a happy life with him, she felt a lifetime’s worth of betrayal and neglect bubble up inside her.  She loved her father insofar as she was obligated to love a man who had given her life and had at least remained by her side throughout it.  His conduct therein notwithstanding, she recognized that this was a sacrifice of more than just the man who provided half of her genetic material.  If the magic she was enacting was dark enough to require her to kill the one person left who cared for her, it meant propelling herself into a life alone. 

It certainly was enough to give her pause.  But ultimately, she determined that alone and victorious was all she had left.  If she chose to run away, if she chose weakness, if she chose her father, she would lose everything.  Her mother would never have allowed that.  Cora Mills had raised no weakling incapable of coping with solitude and instead choosing obscurity and weakness.  She would make her mother proud by fulfilling her purpose, by achieving her ultimate victory.

**Depression**

It took eighteen years in Storybrooke watching the same scenarios play out among the idiots surrounding her before it finally occurred to her that she was miserable.  In casting them into a land where they could neither interact with outsiders nor leave, she had banished herself to a prison the size of a small east coast town surrounded by morons who had no idea who they were.  She began to long for something more and decided with the relentless determination she pursued everything to adopt a child.  She had always longed for a family; in this land perhaps she could have her wish.

Henry’s presence in her life had made the past ten years the best she’d known since childhood.  She savored every moment of watching him grow, looking for herself in his mannerisms and finding joy in their every moment spent together.  When Henry received the book from Snow and his behavior began to change toward her, she felt that brief moment of light slipping away.  Desperate not to lose it, she clutched tighter, terrified of losing her one happiness yet again.

After the day that he returned home in the middle of the night, she was frantically pacing her study trying to determine what her next move could be.  When she heard his footsteps on the path, her heart leapt, only to sink lower than it had for ten years when she heard the words, “I Found My RealMom” _._ All at once everything she stood to lose flashed before her eyes and she found her resolve reawakened to never lose someone she loved again. 

Through months of heated interactions between Henry’s two mothers, she had begun to grown less and less certain that her victory will stand.  She felt icy dread trickle through her veins at the realization that she could lose everything once again.  She pulled out every tactic in her considerable armory and finds that Miss Swan dodges them all.  She resisted pulling out the tactic that has most often ensured her success – using her body to her advantage.  She was confident that she still had the sex appeal, but other than some careful flirting that might be construed as passionate argument she has avoided this.  Although uncertain why, she avoids getting too close to the sheriff, fearing what would be the result if she allowed herself to be friendly with the woman.

When the curse breaks, Regina loses everything.  Her son’s belief in her as a villain is now known to be fact.  She has been accosted by a mob and a wraith, and in both cases was only able to survive thanks to the intervention of the very same sheriff she’d viewed as a nemesis since she arrived.  Regina felt a flutter of hope that perhaps for once she would have an ally.  Surely the woman was doing it because Henry had asked her to, but that only made her feel more secure.  She had not completely ruined things with Henry.  She still had a chance.

She needed to find a way to bring Emma and Snow back.  She could not stand being apart from Henry and more isolated than she’d been since her exile in Fairytale Land.  At least there she had the company of her father and her mirror, limited comfort though they offered.  She felt elated every time she saw Henry; he made her want to find a way out of the darkness she had dwelled in so long.  She was determined to be better for his sake and had not used magic; she had even confided in the cricket.

When Emma and Snow returned, it was as though winter had arrived.  The sunshine he had brought into her life was now gone and she was so very cold and alone.  The hope she had previously felt that Emma would see her attempts at redemption was quashed in an instant when she told Regina that she thought it for the best that she not see Henry.  She returned home and wept for her relationship with her son, for her foolishness in putting her hope in a savior.  Saviors don’t come to help Evil Queens any more than the Blue Fairy granted wishes to naughty little girls like her who didn’t obey their mothers.

Her mother. 

At every critical moment of her life, she had felt keenly the absence of her mother’s love.  She could never decide if her mother’s approval had been absent since her birth, that she was simply deficient, or if there was some choice that lost it along the way?  But absent her approval, Regina was sure she always had her love, misguided though it might be.  Everything she was had come from Cora, and how could she deny her mother’s victory? 

Her mother had been proven right again.  Her love for Henry had been a weakness.  He had never been hers, and she should never have allowed herself to care so deeply that it broke her when he left.  She had lost Daniel when she was too foolish to hide their love from her mother; she had lost her mother when she had banished her to another realm and sent an assassin after her; she had lost her father when she chose to enact the curse rather than preserve his life; and now she had lost her son.  There was nothing left for her.

**Acceptance**

It had taken some time spent with her mother to begin to come to terms with what had been the truth all along.  Her mother cared only for her own ambition, her own revenge.  She had manipulated Regina’s life to the point where Regina could no longer distinguish between which choices she had made and which had been made for her.  Her mother had not returned out of love or to make her the best version of herself – her mother came to make her into what she wished she had the power to be.  And she did not care who she trampled in the way.  She was prepared to kill the idiots, Emma, and perhaps even Henry himself to achieve her ultimate power.

Once she had realized this, Regina recognized her own autonomy for the first time in her life.  She had a choice to make and an opportunity to consider the long-term implications.  She had traveled down the road of vengeance and had found no reward at the end.  Perhaps at this crossroads it was time to take another chance. 

As her mother reached forward to plunge her hand into Snow’s chest amid the detritus of Mr. Gold’s shop, Regina stepped forward from the hold Emma had around her neck and said, “No.”  Her mother turned to look at her, a smile crossing her lips as though amused that Regina was behaving this way. 

“Oh Darling, I know that you wanted to be the one to do it, why don’t you go ahead.”

“No.”

Instead, Regina reached forward to take her mother’s arm and transported them away to her vault.  Inside, she reached out her hand and pulled out the drawer containing her mother’s heart, pulling it out and holding it in her hand. 

Cora smiled, “Oh really, Regina.  I thought you had left that behind.  Surely you know I have no use for it now.”

Regina looked up at her tearfully and said, “No, mother.  The time that it would have been helpful to have your heart would have been when I was a girl.  Now it’s too late.”

Cora’s smile turned to a grimace, “Really Regina, moaning about your childhood?  Do you want to hear about a difficult childhood?  I could tell you about that.”

“Enough, Mother.  I’m going to give you a choice.  You can take back your heart and get on your ship and leave this realm forever, or I can end this once and for all.”

“You’d never do that.  I’m the only one who loves you.  You have nothing without me.”

“Wrong answer.”  

Regina waved her right hand over her left, holding her mother’s heart, and it crumbled to dust as Daniel had only weeks ago.

**Aftermath**

Regina stood a silent sentinel next to her mother’s grave.  It had been magically dug to allow for burial despite the frozen ground.  She allowed tears to fall knowing that she truly was alone now.  Rain poured onto her umbrella, causing sheets of water to pour down around her as she stared at the simple headstone for the grave containing her last blood relative.  The fact that she had been the cause of the demise of her bloodline caused a fresh wave of sadness to wash over her.

In the days since she had defeated her mother, she had found herself mostly alone.  Henry had come to see her and told her that he was sorry about her mom.  He had cried out the guilt of having believed she could kill Dr. Hopper and for saying he didn’t want to see her anymore.  He left her home in the company of the sheriff, his father waiting in the car outside.  Regina despised having another biological parent to compete for Henry’s affection. 

As she stood over her mother’s grave and considered everything, she realized how much time she had wasted trying to prove something to her mother, to the kingdom, to her son, and how little time she had spent considering what she wanted for herself.  Perhaps the freedom she had going forward was with nobody who cared for her, there was nobody to disappoint.  She could freely decide for the first time what she wanted purely for herself. 

And the first thing she wanted was a proper burial for her mother.  The rest of the town was celebrating tonight at Granny’s.  They saw no need to mourn the loss of an evil witch.  So Regina stood alone, placing a small bouquet of white calla lilies on her mother’s fresh grave. 

She stood to find herself no longer alone.

“I’m sorry.”

Regina stared at the dripping wet savior for a moment before she defaulted to her manners and said, “Thank you,” and then to her complete lack of manners saying, “You look like a drowned rat.”

Emma chuckled softly, “Yeah, I sort-of forgot my umbrella in my car.”

“Why are you here?”

“Well, I heard you were going to be burying Cora.  I thought maybe you would be here alone.”

“I am.  I mean, I was.”

Emma nodded.  “Nobody should have to bury their mom alone, Regina.”

Regina stared at her a moment but when her eyes began to blur, she turned back to the headstone.  It was not nearly large or ornate enough; her mother would not be pleased.  But Regina wanted her grave to be undisturbed, away from prying eyes.

They stood together for a few minutes before Regina tsked and snapped, “Miss Swan, you’ll catch your death.  At least come share my umbrella.”

Emma stepped beneath the umbrella, shivering.  She smiled her thanks before her expression turned serious.

“You know Regina, I had this one foster home.  The dad was a real piece of work, he reminded me of your mom actually.  He, well, liked to put us in bed… personally, and…well he was a drinker.  I think his wife mostly let them foster kids so he’d keep his hands off her for a while.”

Regina stared.  Emma spoke about this so matter-of-factly and she was appalled, despite the circumstances of her own life, that someone would treat a child in such a way.

“Well, one day he got loaded and wrapped his car around a tree.  He never came home.  My foster mom made us all dress up and go stand around his coffin at the funeral.  I was the youngest of the kids in the house, and I cried.  My foster brother elbowed me and told me that I should stop my stupid baby crying, that we were all better off without the bastard.”

Regina couldn’t help but agree that the man sounded like he was not a tremendous loss.

“But this was only the second home I’d been in.  The first I left when I was three, I barely remembered them at all.  He was the only father I had ever known.  I knew he made me feel bad, but I didn’t know then that there were families where that wasn’t true.  I was sad that he died.  Plus, it was my fault.”

“What do you mean?” Regina was caught up in the story despite herself. 

“Well, I was misbehaving that day.  I had been playing with a baseball in the house and I knocked down an urn that contained the remains of his mother.  He left the house to go get loaded because he was so upset about it.  If I hadn’t done that, he would never have died.  And now I was going to lose my place in this house, she told us the morning of the funeral it was our last day with her.  So I cost those other kids their place, too.”

“Oh Emma, that wasn’t your fault.  He was an adult and he made a choice.  He treated you in a way that no adult should ever treat a child.”

Emma looked her directly in the eye and said, “I know.”  The simple two syllables communicated so much more than her own understanding that she was not at fault. 

“How…how did you know?”

“Regina, as soon as I met your mother, I knew.  She was a sadist and your whole gig sort-of screams abused kid.”  Regina bristled at these words until Emma forced her to look at her with a finger under her chin, “Takes one to know one.” 

Regina gulped and nodded.

“She killed my fiancé.”

“I know,” when Regina looked up Emma shrugged, “My mom told me.”

Regina looked away, nodding.  “He was my first love.  I wanted nothing more than to be with him.  It was my mother who wanted power, and I let go of love for so long because of her.”

“Regina, do you want a fresh start?”

Regina nodded.

“Then love again.”

Her head snapped up, eyes wide as she looked into the sheriff’s stormy green ones.  Emma smiled at her and nodded slightly before turning back to look at the grave.  Regina stared at her for long moments after she looked away.

They did not speak any more, standing and reflecting silently over the grave.  After a few minutes, however, a cold hand curled around Regina’s and she looked down at their joined hands before looking up at Emma, who smiled reassuringly.  Regina squeezed the fingers in her hand and allowed Emma to lead her back to her car.

Somehow she knew that she had finally chosen the correct path.  As she walked away from her mother’s grave she left behind a portion of her life as well.  She intertwined her fingers with the savior’s and gave her a shy smile.  She finally felt that she was standing where she was supposed to be.


End file.
